


The Killer That Ate The Sun

by CelessChere



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hate Sex, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Leather Kink, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Playlist, Revenge Sex, Running Away, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29425116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelessChere/pseuds/CelessChere
Summary: I am a lot of things; smart, creative, persistent, friendly but brave has never been on my resume. Even as a young child when I had no idea what the world was really like, I would still scream at spiders, jump at loud sounds and hand over my money to anyone who bullied it out of me. It's shameful really so why am I doing this now? Clinging onto the colossal titan as my skin is being fried off my body? As my hair flies away mixing into the rest of the ash in the air, my body is being flung around by the pressure of the hot steam Bertholdt is releasing. It hurts so bad so why have I not let go? Oh ya, for him all of this for him.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heavy spoiler!!! Canon Eren being a bitch. follow me in insta I cosplay its the same username like on here :3 and u guys can bug me till i update XD  
> book/ eremin playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5NU2PdCCrYk2qYlo5puJOD?si=88ebc3661fa9422f

I am a lot of things; smart, creative, persistent, friendly but brave has never been on my resume. Even as a young child when I had no idea what the world was really like, I would still scream at spiders, jump at loud sounds and hand over my money to anyone who bullied it out of me. It's shameful really, so why am I doing this now? Clinging onto the colossal titan as my skin is being fried off my body? As my hair flies away mixing into the rest of the ash in the air, my body is being flung around by the pressure of the hot steam Bertholdt is releasing. It hurts so bad so why have I not let go? Oh yeah, for him all of this for him.

\------

“You're just going to let them treat you like that?” I jump slightly at the voice, wiping the blood from my nose. I turn to see a young boy no older than me looking at me creepily from around the corner of the stone wall I was resting against, “Huh?” I question stupidly. “Those bullies, they took your bread.” he rounds the corner standing over me blocking the warmth of the sun. “They are way bigger than me there's no point I'd lose,” I said matter-of-factly looking up at him. He rolls his eyes then sits down next to me, “You are annoying.” then he reaches out his hand, “I'm Eren.” I reach over and shake it, “Armin.” though he just insulted me, I felt warmth flutter through my skin and not from the sun. 

I look over at my new friend as he fiddles with the bottom of his red scarf, “Do they do that often? The bullies?” he asks the sun reflecting off his big eyes, I just nod looking off into the distance, trying to fight off the sting of oncoming tears, “They are always like this. That bread was for me and my gramps.” I frown, “Now we don't have food, he trusted me to get the food and I lost it, I'm so weak” there was no stopping the tears now, they run down my face faster than I can wipe them. I brought my knees to my chest and hid my face in embarrassment, my long hair completely covering my knees. 

My new friend must think I'm so lame. I sobbed into my knees hunger making its home in my body calling out to anyone that would listen. We sit in silence, the only sound is my sobs and my stomach rumbling. Suddenly Eren stood up and reached out his hand to me once more, “Come on let's go.” he says eagerly, I grab his hand and before I could question it we were moving, Eren dragged me down the street as fast as his little legs could take us, causing my hair to whip around violently. Eren held my hand with a crushing grip as if I'd disappear, “What kind of bread was it ‘min?” he yelled back to me weaving us through the crowd, “Rye” is all I said before Eren came to a sudden halt causing me to stumble.

I looked up at the building we had stopped in front of, The Bakery. Eren drags me in before I could protest, “Huflens bakery what c- oh Armin you are back” the owner’s wife, Mrs. Huflen, smiles down at him, “did you forget something?” she asks kindly Eren brings us close to the counter still hand in hand and points at the Rye being displayed. “We need a loaf of that please.” I panic looking over at Eren, “I don't have any money Eren.'' I whisper to him. Mrs. Huflen looks over at Eren then back to me, “Excuse my curiosity but didn't you just get one Armin?” I open my mouth to admit my shame but Eren beats me to it, “I wasn't paying attention and I ran into him and he dropped it.” he hangs his head in fake shame before letting go of my hand and reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a few coins and puts them on the counter and beams at Mrs. Huflen, “The freshest you have please.” She laughs and after picking the lint out of the coins puts them in a drawer underneath the counter, “You got it young man!” her dress flows lightly as she happily walks to the back. I look over at Eren with wide eyes, “Why did you do that? We just met, why are you being so nice to me?” Eren smiles so brightly it's almost blinding, “Why not.” The answer stuck with me, He said it as if it was the answer to all the problems in the world, and from that moment on we were inseparable. 

A few weeks later he came home with a girl, the red scarf he once wore wrapped around her and the light in his eyes was a little dimmer. I tried for weeks to get answers but he would brush it off. It took the girl weeks to even talk to anyone that wasn't Eren. They would lean so close and whisper like it was only them in this whole wide world. I would watch in anger at being left out but say nothing, simply because I didn't know what to say.  
But one day I did, one day the words came to me, we were sitting behind a building, leg Hanging over the edge of the stone riverway, shoes discarded and our feet were resting in the warm water of the river. I was trying to read the book my grandpa gave me but I couldn't pay attention, they were leaned in so close talking about something. I didn't know I was staring until Mikasa made eye contact with me with a raised eyebrow causing Eren to turn to see what she was looking at, “Armin what's wrong you look upset?” concern taking over his face, it almost makes me feel bad for being upset, “Eren you haven't talked to me in months! I feel like I'm following you two around like a lost puppy!” ‘Months’ was an overreaction for sure but I didn't care, I stood up sliding on my shoes, “I'm going home.” I said bitterly and with that, I turned around and walked away.

I hold my book tight to my chest trying not to cry. I walk down the streets passing the bakery. I couldn't help but smile remembering when I first met Eren. Lost in my train of thought I accidentally ran into someone dropping my book, “Oh so-” I cut off as I looked up in horror as I made eye contact with the bullies that took my bread two months ago. I try to grab my book and get away as fast as I can but a foot slams down on it. I yelp, “Hey you are going to ruin my book stop!” I panicked looking at the group hoping they weren't in the mood today, spoiler, they were. “Well if it's not our favorite boy in town? If I were you I’d be more worried about your face than this stupid book he bends over to pick it up and that's when a surge of this rare bravery I was feeling for standing up to Eren and Mikasa took over my body and I brought my knee up as hard as I could and met the boys face halfway. He screams in pain and falls back holding his bleeding nose, “You motherfucker!” he hissed. I bent down, grabbed my book, and ran back the way I came. 

I could hear the other two boys chasing after me as I weave through the crowded streets, my small frame making it easier to run for my life. I turn a corner into an ally way hoping I had lost them but just my luck they turn the corner five seconds after me their leader following after, blood still dripping down his face, “give me the book fag.” my blood runs cold at the slur, “N-no. Leave me alone!” I take a step back and the leader looks at his two friends, “get me that book.” they didn't even answer just came marching forward I backed up till I couldn't anymore, feeling the cold stone on my back made me shiver, “give me the fucking book.” the chubbier of the two says snatching it out of my hand once they reached me. The other held me against the was as he walked back to their leader who took the book, “The Killer Who Ate the Sun, that's a stupid name” he then opened the book and began tearing the pages out. I scream and try to move forward but I was quickly pulled back, “No stop please!” tears pour down my face without a second thought, “That's my favorite book please I'm sorry just beat me up!” I beg for my book to be speared. The leader stops for a minute and looks at his henchmen, “you heard him, don't leave him waiting.” flicking his head in my direction. They take no time to grab me by my collar and punch me square in the nose over and over till I could feel the blood running down my throat and face as their leader continues to rip the pages out of my book. They let go of me and my body fell to the ground with a painful thud. They started to repeatedly kick me in the ribs till the blood I had swallowed came back up making a lovely pillow to lay my bloodied face into. My hair was soaked with my blood and vomit, I bet the stench was awful. I'm glad my nose is too stuffed with my blood to smell it. The thought almost made me laugh. I probably would have laughed if my lungs didn’t feel like they were out of my body.

“Not so brave no-'' the leaders' words were cut short but my vision was too blurry to know what was happening. The two boys who were kicking me were ripped off and I could hear them fall to the ground. Then my vision was obscured by two small legs, “Leave him alone you little shits!” someone screams, Eren, I sigh in relief letting my eyes close. I almost fell asleep to the sound of those three boys getting their asses handed to them by my friends before I heard a small soft voice, “Armin, you can't fall asleep, we need to get you to Dr. Yeager.” I open my eyes to see Mikasa leaning over me. I can hear Eren screaming a war cry in the distance as the three boys scutter away. Eren rushes over to me, “Is he dead?” Eren panicked, Mikasa gave him a Deadpanned look, “No but he needs to see Dr. Yeager.” I watch the two bicker, “My book” I choke out, Eren sighed, “They ripped it up but I'll grab the pieces and hopefully we can glue it back together.” all I could do was nod. Mikasa looked down at me again, “I'm going to pick you up now.” I wanted to question her, how was this tiny girl going to pick me up but I was off the ground before I could finish my thought. I must have looked surprised because Eren let out a laughs, “Yeah, she's stronger than she looks you should have seen her beat the fuck out of the little shits.” Mikasa bushes burying her face in her scarf, “We should get going, Armin looks awful and smells even worse” she says bluntly. 

My head bobs lightly with each of Mikasa's steps, the sun is dipping below the horizon and the sky is darkening with the oncoming night. The streets were slowly emptying and businesses were closing, I let out a sigh, it was nice. We walk in comfortable silence for a while till Eren breaks it, “What happened?” he looks over at me with concern. I look up over my knees at him, pain shooting through my skull by my actions so I lay my head back down against Mikasa's shoulder, “I ran into them and then kneed the leader in the nose.'' I groan. Eren let out a low whistle, “Damn that's brave, especially since he is like twice your height.” I lift my head to look at him ignoring the pain. That's the first time anyone has ever called me that, I smile widely, “What can I say, guess I'm just cool like that.” I say sarcastically. 

It gets silent once again but this time I break it, “I'm sorry…” I pause dropping my head down onto Mikasa’s shoulder looking up at the fresh night sky. The sun had fully set now and the streets were empty, peaceful. I wish it was like this forever, “...I was being selfish and I was mean to you guys and you still saved me. Thank you” Eren laughed dryly, “Why are you apologizing? You were right we have been ignoring you we- no I was an ass, ‘min you are too kind sometimes, you need to stop that, we don't deserve a thank you. We saved you because we love you, you are our family. Mikasa agrees she's just shy and thought you hated her…” I look at Mikasa for confirmation she just nods. Eren continues, “Mikasa came into our lives so fast and I just wanted her to feel welcome. I'm sorry for leaving you out.” I lifted my head to meet his eyes, kicking him lightly in the arm, “I forgive you.” I look back up at Mikasa, “I don't hate you Mikasa I promise I was just confused I guess. If you don't mind me asking where did you come from?” It took me a second to realize how insensitive that question was, “Not that I don't like you or anything, you just appeared one day! I-” Before I could keep rambling, Mikasa cut me off, “My parents were killed.” tension filled the air, we walked in the uncomfortable silence for a second before she continued, “I was at home eating dinner with them when these men came in… It's blurry honestly, I couldn't tell you how many there were. They killed my Mom and Dad and just as I was about to share their same fate Eren and Dr. Yeager busted through the door and saved me. And together we left behind my house, my parents. I had no one anymore but Eren is right, we are family and I'm sorry for my actions. I will be better.” she said that last part as if it was more for her than me. I smile, “Yeah we are family.” we walk the rest of the way home in warm loving silence.  
\--------- 

I shot up in cold sweat and looked around me, I was on top of Wall Maria looking over the Shiganshina District. It was still daytime, the sun was beating down on my bare back and the wind was strong whipping my hair around, I reach up and grab a strand lightly, “What the fuck?” I then look down at my hands turning them around a few times studying the way the tendons move under my unharmed skin. ‘That's odd because I could have sworn I was-’ “Armin!” I jump at the sound of my name. I look up to see Eren running at me. He drops down to his knees in front of me and wraps his arms around me, one hand cradling the back of my head, and his other hand presses against my bare chest over my heart feeling it beat. He buries his face into my nape and sighs in relief, “You are awake.” a sob rips through his body as his tears soak my bare shoulder, I hug him back hesitantly, “What Happened?” I ask into his hair. Before he could answer another pair of arms wrap around us from behind, “Armin.” Mikasa breaths into my hair.  
They hold me for what felt like hours, eventually, Captain Levi walks over, his face as gloomy as ever he won't even make eye contact with me, “Tsk brats, tell him what happened. We don't have all damn days for your reunion.” Eren and Mikasa let go of me reluctantly and I turned so I could see them both. They look down in guilt, we sit in silence, “We used the shot on you…” Eren says breaking the silence, still refusing to look at me, I look down at my hands once again then look back up at them my gaze switching between the two, “Okay but I should be a Titan then… unless I ate so-” My eyes were the size of dinner plates, my hand fly over my mouth to stop myself from puking the other clenched my pants tightly, “Who?” I mumbled into my hand. “What?” Mikasa asked, “WHO!” I yell, causing her to jump, “Bertholdt.” Eren said, finally making eye contact with me. My hand couldn’t stop the puck this time, I leaned over and pucked into the empty water bucket to my right, the same one just hours ago we used to wet ourselves to fight Bertholdt. I was clinging on to it so hard the wood splinters off into my fingers but I felt nothing. I look up at Levi, “Where's Erwin has anyone let him know! That was our only shot. What if someone more important dies, what do we do?” Levi looked away from me and I could almost swear his eyes went glossy. “He's no longer here.” Hange said from their place on the floor, not even looking over they just stared at the sky tears rolled down their temple, “What do you mean he is not here where d-” my sentence was cut short but a boot to the mouth, “He's dead Armin! We had the option to chose him but your fucking boyfriends almost killed me for even suggesting it.” He takes his foot out of my mouth and a few of my teeth follow suit. Eren stands up but Mikasa stopped him, “Eren no, we are already going to be in trouble, no need to make it worse.” he clenches his teeth and sits back down, I looked between the 4 of them in shock, I could feel the steam from my mouth healing rolling up my face as I opened it to speak, “Why, why would you choose me? The obvious answer was Erwin.” I almost beg. Hanji laughed bitterly, “There's no point dwelling on it now, and honestly being revived is punishment.” They look over at me, their eyes were bloodshot from crying, “Erwin gets to finally be at peace, see his father, away from this fucking nightmare.” they gesture angrily to the sky, then points at me, “You are stuck here and you are going nowhere anytime soon.” then they look back up to the sky and sigh, “Don't make us regret this Armin.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry...

Hanging out with Eren and Mikasa without interruptions would normally be a dream come true, that is if we were in a different situation. I'm currently sitting on the cold concrete of the underground cells in front of Eren, watching him through the bars as he stares off into space, something he does a lot nowadays. Mikasa is in the cell next to him doing sit-ups to pass time, which was not abnormal so I left her be. I was currently writing everything Eren says in the little journal Hange gave me. It was my punishment for dying’ according to them.  
I hear the pitter-patter of excited feet making their way down the stairs. I didn't even have to look up to know they were Hange’s, “Hey, Armin, anything change, or is he still brooding?” Hange said patting my head, I looked up at them, their glasses were reflecting the light so I couldn't make eye contact with them, I looked back down at my notes, “Nope he just keeps whispering random things. Here.” I hand them the journal. They skim through it and roll their eyes, “This is so boring why is he not giving any juicy details?” as if on cue Eren snaps out of his daydream and looks up standing in an awkward pose. One of his hands was under his chin while the other supported his elbow to keep it up there. All he says was, “Thirteen.” Hange gave me the journal so I could write it down before caving forward in laughter holding their stomach, “Ehhhh! What are you doing with your hands?” Hange cries standing back up to mock him, “What?” he pouts, dropping his hands. Before Hange could answer Mikasa interrupted, “What do you mean 13 Eren?” she sounds so tired. Eren walks forward and grabs onto the bars, “When a person gets the power of the titans they only have 13 years left to live. Which means...” Eren pauses and counts on his fingers, “...I have 7 years left to live.” He looks up and directly at me. I was about to speak but Mikasa beat me to it, “NO! Don’t say that Eren! That can't be true. Whoever told you that is lying.” She stands up and runs up to the bars where she pressed her face as if they would move out of her way so she could get to Eren. Hange held their chin curiously ignoring Mikasa’s outburst, “Wait wait, so if Eren has 7 years left then as of a week ago Armin has 13. Where did you get this information from? How can we know its facts?” Hange says bending over to take the pen and journal out of my limp hands. 

I stare mouth agape at Eren as he explains to Hange his visions, but I wasn’t listening, I felt numb, ‘13 years, I have 13 years left till I die… and Eren, he only has 7 that's not fair! He has given everything to save humanity and the world is just going to kill him…’ I was snapped out of my thoughts by a hand lightly touching my face. I looked up at Eren who was squatted on the floor reaching through the bars, “Don't cry, it will be okay.” He says oddly, in a way I can’t explain like someone else was talking through his mouth.  
I lean into his touch, meeting his eyes. I smile sadly, there is so much I wanna say to him right now. It's like a flood gate had opened in me at the knowledge that my time with Eren was short. But all I could say is, “I don't want you to die.” because that sums up 90% of it. Eren’s smile drops slightly, I study his face, he seems different right now. He looks so much older, maybe it's the lighting, “It’s okay I still have a while and who knows, it might not even be true.” He and I both know that's not true but he lies to give the others hope.

Hange coughed awkwardly into their elbow causing Eren to drop his hand, “Sorry to ruin that moment but I came down here for a reason. Levi said you guys can come out now.” They pull the keys out of their jacket pocket dangling it for everyone to see as if they had won a prize, “But you guys have to promise not to try to kill your Captain again.” they laugh at their joke as they unlock both cells. Eren rushes out while Mikasa walks out slowly moping, “Whoa Mikasa you look thinner have you been eating?” Eren voiced his concern. She didn't even look at him and simply fell into his arms. He hugged her back and she laid her head on his shoulder and stared at me, she looked angry almost. I stood up as she let him go and opened my arms for her but she just walked past me. I dropped my arms and watched her walk upstairs. I turned back to Eren and Hange who had the complete opposite looks on their faces. Eren looked confused while Hange looked knowing. 

Hange looks at both of us and smiles, “She's probably just tired. I'm going to take this new information to Er- uh I mean Levi, see you guys later.” with that they turn and follow Mikasa upstairs. Eren and I watch them leave before looking back at each other. Suddenly the atmosphere got awkward and we just stared at each other. I fiddle with my hands as our eyes stay connected, Eren takes a step forward and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear and out of my eyes but his hand doesn’t leave my face, instead, it rests on my cheek and he gently strokes under my eye with his thumb, “Your eyes remind me of the ocean.” I blush wildly, tugging on my sleeves, “I uhh um.” my mouth opens and closes a few times. Fortunately, Eren didn’t let me embarrass myself any longer because it was his turn. He dropped his hand from my face and his arms settled stiffly at his side, “Uh I’m sorry, I don't know why I did that.” his face was so red he looked like he was going to burst, he takes a step back and looks away. 

I bring my hand up to touch under my eye, the trace of his fingers still there, and yet I forgot how they felt, I missed them, though they just left. I look up at him and smile, “It's okay... I liked it.” he looks at me once again, his face not as flushed as before and a comfortable silence settles around up. We stare at each other for a little longer, “It's dinner time, we should get up there before Sasha eats our rations. '' I laugh, he nods his head, a light laugh escaping his lips. A laugh I wouldn't mind listening to for however long I can.

We make it in the chow-hall just in time to see Mikasa fighting off Sasha, “Please Eren doesn’t need it, he ate yesterday!” Mikasa’s arm was outstretched behind her holding Erens plate with one hand and the other one was pressed against Sasha's face, keeping her away. Connie laughed, “So did you and you ate Armin’s serving how are you still hungry.” Eren and I finally reach them and Eren grabs his plate out of Mikasa’s hand, setting it down, then joining his friends at the table. I sit down beside him silently enjoying the atmosphere of the room. Jean raises an eyebrow at me, “Armin why are you here? Mikasa said you wouldn’t be joining us tonight?” Mikasa let go of Sasha and sat down next to Eren keeping her head down. Sasha looked at me with wide eyes, “Yeah I got to eat your serving because of it.” she practically drooled as she sat down next to Connie trying to steal a green bean from his plate, “Did your plans get canceled?” Jean asked. I raise an eyebrow, “I never had plans.” all eyes were on Mikasa now, we watched as she fiddle with her scarf not lifting her head. “Mikasa, why hand off Armin’s food then? Now he doesn't have anything to eat. That doesn’t sound like something you would do.” Jean questions. Eren rolled his eyes, giving me his fork and taking Mikasa's abandoned one, “She's been rude to Armin all afternoon. It's fine I’ll share mine with him.” he smiles sweetly at me. I blush slightly, smiling back, “Thanks Eren. I'm sure she meant no harm, It was probably a misunderstanding right Mika’?“ I look at her hopefully. She's never done anything like this before so it had to be a mistake. She pushes her empty plate away from herself and stands up ignoring my question, “I'm going to sleep.” was all she said before walking out of the Chow-hall. 

I sat there stunned, she hasn’t ignored me like that since we were kids, back when I first met her. I turned to Eren who looked almost angry. Jean was the first to break the silence, “What the fuck.” Connie chuckled dryly, “Nicely put.” Eren ignores them turning this body so he was facing me, back to our comrades. He casually lays his hand on top of mine that was resting on my lap, his face looked older again and in the same out of body voice he used earlier he said, “Are you okay?” leaning closer to me as if my answer was a secret, “Yeah, just a little confused.” I whisper to him looking from our hands to his eyes, we stare at each other for a little till my stomach rumbles loudly causing us to laugh, “You better eat.” he says so softly it sounded so domestic like we had been in love for years. 

I nod as I pick up my fork and start eating. I didn't realize how hungry I was until the tasteless rice hit my tongue. Eren didn't move his hand, he just turned his body so he was facing everyone again, “What?” Eren says, causing me to look up. All our friends were staring at us. Sasha and Connie looked shocked while Jean looked cocky, “Nothing.” Jean said smirking before Eren could reply Connie jumped in, “Are you guys dating or something?” I drop my fork on the plate and stare at them with wide eyes blushing, “Connie you dumb ass you are never supposed to just ask that ugh!” Sasha chews him out, slapping his arm. He put his hands up in surrender. I looked over at Eren who looked confused, his persona dropped and his face looked young again. I look around the table ‘how am I the only one noticing this?’

“What no, He's my best friend and he's a boy that's weird...” Eren says matter-of-factly. He removed his hand off mine. My body went cold as if his hand was the only thing keeping it warm. That caused Jean's face to drop and he looks at me and says, “Oh sorry.” as if he had asked the question. 

An ache I’ve never felt before fills my chest, but what reason would I have to be sad? He’s right, I am his best friend and a boy. My eyes drop down to my plate, “Yeah…what a stupid question Connie.” I am trying my best not to let my voice show my ache. I push the plate towards Eren and stand up, “You can have the rest. I'm going to go to sleep. It's been a long day.” Eren looked so confused I almost felt bad, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn't confused too. I waved them all goodnight and walked away, before I got too far I could hear Jean say, “Eren you are so fucking dumb.” 

I didn't go to my room, I didn't really wanna be alone. If I was alone that would give me time to think and honestly, I don't want to. This situation became so confusing so fast. Our world turned upside down in a matter of hours. Honestly, I’m not surprised though, with how chaotic everything is constantly. I'm not even going to pretend.

I sigh walking down the stairs to Annie's cell. Hitch was fast asleep at her post in front, I chuckled and walked past her. I push open the door to see the same thing I always see when I come down here; Annie tucked away in her titan casing where she has remained dormant for years. I sit down on the chair in front of her, I visit her often so the guards kept the chair in here for me.

I look at her for a moment admiring how long her hair has gotten, she's always been beautiful, her long hair just accentuates that, “Annie I know what you are doing.” I say pausing for an answer even though I know I will not get one, “You are waiting out your life aren’t you? You are waiting for your Thirteen years to end huh?” I laugh dryly, “I get it. I mean, who would wanna live in this world anyway? You know sometimes I like to think there are different worlds out there all living simultaneously. I know that’s a big theory, it gives me hope though. Like maybe in another life we aren’t in this mess, you aren’t waiting to die, we are friends. All of us, Me, You, Reiner… Bertholdt” I smile sadly at Annie.

“I have something to tell you…” I haven’t seen her in a week, since everything went down, “As I told you last time I saw you, We had this big mission to take back Wall Maria. We did it successfully but we had a lot of casualties, more than half of the survey corps was wiped out. Including Erwin… and Me.” I bring my knees up to my chest and hold them fiddling with the small rip on my pants, “The only reason I’m here right now is because we used the shot… and I became a titan.” I wasn’t even sure she could hear me but I was still nervous to tell her nonetheless, “And I took Bertholdt's titan.” I waited for a response but got nothing. I rest my chin on my knees and sigh, “It’s kinda ironic, isn’t it? That I’m the Colossal Titan. I remember you would laugh at my height when we first met… But now if you even look at me wrong I could kill you in a second. I could kill everyone in a second.” My hand shoots over my mouth, my heart pounds in my chest, “Sorry I don’t know why I said that. Ever since I became a titan I’ve had these awful thoughts and memories.” I mumble into my hand.  
I suddenly get a rush of images in my head, all of young Annie. I’ll admit it calmed me down slightly. My hand drops from my mouth and back to my knees. Letting out a shaky breath I smile fondly at her, “Which reminds me, you were quite the kid huh? The same as you were when we last talked, I guess some things never change.” I yawn, stand up, and stretch before making my way to the exit. Before I open the door I stop and look back at her, hand resting on the knob, “I hope you can forgive me for eating your friend and don't worry I won’t tell the others what happened to Marco.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I LOVE MIKASA BUT Look man just like Everyone else Mikasa needs to grow she is not perfect expect mikasa slander for a little sowwee ill make it up i promissssss


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love mikasa its for the plot i promise pls dont hate me D:  
> this is my fav chapter so far.  
> Fic playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5NU2PdCCrYk2qYlo5puJOD?si=nzCWvkgQSM6bOZcRaUJaeQ  
> Insta/twitter: Celesschere  
> Come talk to me!

I am woken up by a light knocking at my door. I groan and sit up. I shuffled off my bed towards the door, it was still dark outside making it hard to navigate my room. I finally made it to my door not before stumbling a few times. I open the door to find Mikasa standing there awkwardly, nimble fingers playing with the end of her scarf. She jumped when I opened the door and looked up at me, “Can I come in?” she asks shyly. I step to the side, “Yeah, of course.” I motion her to enter and she walks in swiftly, scarf flowing behind her. I light the lantern on my nightstand and motion her to sit on my bed. She nods lightly and we both sit down. 

I stare at her as she continues to fidget with her scarf, “I love you Armin you know that right?” she looks up at me, her gray eyes glossed over. “Yes of course I know! I love you too, you are like a sister!” a sense of panic teases my throat. I feel like I’m about to be scolded. She smiles at me and reaches over and takes my hand, “And you know I love Eren. But not the same way I love you.” I can feel the color drain my face, I know what’s coming. “W-what?” It wasn’t a question I wanted to be answered but I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “I am in love with him always have been.” She says it more like it’s a fact than a cute confession, “And you have always been close to him and until now we have all had a lot in common. But now you and him are Titans and that has put you in a place I could never be in his heart.” She squeezes my hand a little too tight for comfort but I say nothing, I just stare at her lips. I can’t believe what’s coming out of them. She continues, not waiting for my response, “So I need you to stop. I know you’ve always had something for him but it was never a threat until now. I love you Armin you are my best friend so from one best friend to another please don’t pursue him… please.” I finally meet her eyes and she's crying. There are very few times she’s cried and all of them have to do with Eren. 

Part of me is angry, she found out I have 13 years left to live and her only concern is Eren? But I can’t be mad because it always has been like this, I was never more important than Eren. I had to know eventually this day would come. I mean anyone with eyes knows Mikasa loves Eren it would be selfish of me to get in the way. Besides, she’s Mikasa; strong, beautiful, Brave. None of which are traits I have. Eren deserves someone who is those things, someone who’s Mikasa... I sigh forcing a smile, trying hard not to cry, “Of course Mika, I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I know Eren loves you too.” I lie through my teeth. She smiles widely and leans forward kissing my forehead. I melt into the touch.

It’s been a few weeks since that night and I avoided my two best friends as much as I could. It was hard though, every time I’d make eye contact with Eren my heart would flutter. I’ve never noticed it before until Mikasa brought it up. So to avoid the conflict I would sit with my friends at dinner until Eren and Mikasa arrived, then I’d leave to go sit with Annie. Sometimes Hitch would join me.

Hange and I ran experiments most of the time so it kept my mind busy. Hange’s none stop talking makes it hard to think about anything else but the task at hand. 

Today’s experiments started a little later than usual but it was still early enough for the sky to be dark, I didn’t mind though. The morning is nice and calm, the light breeze playfully tosses my hair. Hanges enthusiastic voice broke my out of my thoughts, “So Armin today we are going to try something different. I will be having Eren at the experiments from now on.” well there goes my peaceful morning, before I could say anything they practically bounced away to the carriage where unfortunately Eren was waiting for us, his eyes light up when I step in, he pats the seat next to him excitedly. I almost sit next to him but the flash of Mikasa’s begging eyes was enough to get rid of the urge. 

I sit as far as I can from him as Hange sits in front of him not sensing the tension. I don’t need to look at Eren to know he was upset, I can feel his eyes burning holes into the side of my head. “Good morning Eren how did you sleep?” Hange asked politely. Eren clears his throat I feel his eyes move away from me, “I slept well thank you for asking. I’d ask how you slept but I know you don’t.” He jokes. Hange laughs nodding, “How did you sleep ‘Min?” Eren asks me although I can tell he wasn’t asking because he wanted an answer, he was just trying to get me to look at him, a test. I flick my head up to look at him, my eyebrows scrunched together more with pain than anger, “Fine.” if Hange didn’t sense the tension before they did now, “OO today is going to be fun.” They whisper to themselves then the cart goes quiet and it stays that way for the rest of the ride.

When we arrived a few comrades were already there setting up. We file out of the cart and silently and follow Hange as they guide us to the clearing where Eren and now I practice transforming. Hange stops when we reach the middle and turns to us breaking the unbearable silence, “Okay here’s today’s game plan! Armin you are going to transform as much as you can, we finally got you to stop passing out so now the goal is transforming as much as we can without passing out or dying which is why Erens here. Since Armin is too hot to the human touch Eren your titan will be useful to pull him out. Now don’t transform till you see the green smoke” they smile at both of us handing Eren a smoke gun before walking off leaving me and Eren in awkward silence. 

The silence doesn’t last long before Eren turns to me, “What the fuck has your problem been?” The pain in his voice surprised me. I'd rather he had been angry. I look at him and guilt makes my blood run cold. “Sorry I’ve been busy.” I lie. Eren laughed dryly, “Yeah, you just so happen to become busy when I walk into a room.” he crosses his arms.

Erens voice has dropped a few pitches and he talks in the same ‘out-of-body’ voice from when he was in the cell. His anger dissipates as his other persona takes over and he drops his arms, “I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I?” he sounded scared, “If I did you can tell me I won’t be upset. Your comfort is more important than my feelings.” We stare and each other for a second I reach forward and try to press out the crease in his forehead, “Who are you?” I ask. Eren opens his mouth to respond but his words are cut off by the sound of a muted pop and green smoke filling the air. Okay, showtime.

Turning into the colossal felt different every time and usually, the feeling was accompanied by one of Bertholdt memory.

I can see Reiner sitting on a tree branch talking to Ymir and Eren, “We should be getting a promotion or something.” He jokes. Through Bertholdt's eyes, I can see the look of confusion on Eren and Ymir’s faces. I recognize where we are, we are in the Forest just near the outer wall. This was when they kidnapped Eren and Ymir. This is not my memory but the feeling has not come yet, odd.

Ymir laughs, “He’s finally losing it.” Eren is shouting something but I can’t hear it, Bertholdt looks over at Reiner and I finally get the feeling, it hits me like a brick... It was self-loathing, “Reiner please stop, we are not soldiers anymore, we are Warriors.” Bertholdt begs, willing himself not to cry. Reiner’s eyes widen and his ‘soldier’ persona drops, similar to what Eren has been doing. When Reiner looks up at Bertholdt I could see it in his eyes too, the self-loathing. 

Tears pour down my face as I come to, they are not my tears though. I can feel a very light pressure on my cheek I slowly turn my head to see Eren's titan standing on my shoulder his eyes glowing green he put a thumbs up to let me know he was alright and everything went smoothly, now we wait for Hanges signal. 

I think back to Bertholdt's memory as we wait, it was starting to make sense. Reiner had created another persona for himself to help with his self-loathing to make it easier to deal with the fact that he thought he was a monster. Is that what’s happening to Eren, is he creating another persona to cope? He had told me when we saved him from Historias father the awful memories of what his father had done and even admitted to me he would have rather died. I still remember the way he latched onto me and cried till he fell asleep in my arms. But he hasn’t brought it up since and when I’d ask he would brush it off. Has he been in pain all this time and has kept it to himself?

The green smoke brought me out of my thoughts. I sigh in relief ripping myself out of my titan’s nape. Eren very gently pulls me out the rest of the way and keeps me cupped against his chest as we ride my Titans slowly falling body. When the body finally hits the ground he opens his hand bringing me up to eye level. I pat his nose, “I’m okay thank you Eren.” he nods with a grunt. 

It’s been a while since I’ve seen his titan this close. Its skin was rough yet held no imperfections. His eyebrows were bushy. I'm sure one strand was as tall as me. His hair was crazy yet somehow looked clean. I reach forward and grab a strand of his hair absentmindedly, a single strand takes up half my hand, “Your hair has gotten so long I wonder if we can cut it?” Eren shakes his head. I laugh and stand up stretching using his ring finger for balance, “Alright I’m ready to go again.” Eren nodded and set me down gently, the soft grass tickled my hand as a reach down to grab the smoke gun and fire it in the air to alert Hange of my statue. When I get one in return I get back into position and we start again.

I was able to transform twice without passing out. The third time my titan was so thin and weak I fell right out of the thin skin of the nape, Luckily Eren was quick on his feet, A surprised grunt was all I heard before I blacked out. 

I feel content we trained all day and now we are walking back to the barracks, finally some rest. The warmth from the now setting sun is nice. I feel warm, I feel free, I feel like I finally belong. I hear familiar laughter. I look over to see Reiner and Eren smiling at something Reiner said. “Guys it's not funny!” I say running my hands through my hair. Eren lightly punches my shoulder, “Come on Bertholdt we know you are in love with Annie! It's so obvious.” I gasp, “It's not oblivious! This isn't fair you guys have to have crushes on someone! What about Mikasa, Eren?” Eren shivers with disgust, “Dude, that's my sister.” Reiner laughs, “Not biological and she's like the only girl you hang out with.” Eren smacks Reiner’s arm causing him to laugh harder. He put his hands up in surrender, “Okay, Okay, off-limits. Then explain your type. Maybe me and Berty here can set you up.” I give him a thumbs up to show my support. Erens pauses and me and Reiner stop with him, “Blonde maybe? Big blue eyes. Smart for sure they have to balance out my stupidity.” Eren lists off Reiner looks at me with a knowing look and I match him, it's very obvious who he's talking about, “Armin.” “Krista!” Reiner and I say together, Eren looks like he's going to puke which means one of us is right. I opened my mouth to talk but Reiner beat me to it, “Ah dude I hate to break it to you but I called dibs on Krista.” I roll my eyes and look back at Eren who looked almost scared, “Yeah only you would be stupid enough to like the only other lesbian in here.” I say drawing the attention away from Eren he sighs in relief as we start walking again.

It’s dark but it still feels warm out, maybe I’m in the shade? I open my eyes to see Eren bent over my face riddled with concern. I press my fingers to my temples and wince in pain. “Does your head hurt?” I nod. Eren sits down as I sit up and look around. I must have been out for a hot minute because my titan’s body was gone. I look up at the sky. The sun is still bright and the sky is clear so it must be around midday? 

The trees sway lightly as a small breeze dances through them. I look at Eren who stares at me, his hair is dancing along with the trees. “Were you having a memory?” he asks fiddling with the grass. I nod, “Yeah I was.” I sigh. Eren nods plucking the grass, “What was it about?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. My heart flutters and I look away, “Hey Eren have you ever had a crush on Historia?” I asked ignoring his question. Eren shakes his head without a second thought, “No way, she reminds me of my mom. Also, she was obviously in love with Ymir.” I blush my heart pounds in my chest, “God damnit Bertholdt why are you messing with me.” I say under my breath. “So are you going to tell me about your memory or what?” he asks impatiently. I laugh meeting his eyes, “It was about Bertholdt having a crush on Annie.” Eren chuckles sadly, “Yeah he was totally in love with her.” I nod because honestly who isn’t?

“Where is Hange?” I ask after a few moments of comfortable silence. Eren perks up and reaches for a paper bag behind him, “They are having lunch. They came to check on you and I told them you need to rest and eat so I had them bring some bread and butter to help just in case you felt sick.” He pulls the bread out of the bag and hands it to me with a smile, “It’s Rye.” he adds. My heart flutters, when I grab it our fingers brush and I can’t help but match his smile it’s contagious. 

I was able to transform again a few times after I ate, but by my third time the sun was setting and we were all tired, “Ugh alright I’m pooped!” Hange complains throwing their hands in the air. I laugh as we approach them. They turn to us and smile, “I’m ready to go. Do you guys have everything?” We both nod. They give a thumbs up, “Great! Also, I’m going to head back with the others because I have some made-up thing I have to do. So you guys will have to ride alone.” They smirk, turn on their heels, and skip away without another word. I blush and look at Eren who was doing the same. I shrug laughing to fill the silence, “Let’s go I guess.” Eren says guiding us to the cart. 

The cart ride was quiet for about five seconds before I couldn’t handle it anymore, “Are you feeling okay Eren?” He raises an eyebrow at me, “Yeah why wouldn’t I be?” he says as if I had asked the stupidest question ever. I shake my head, “I’m serious Eren. You have been acting differently. Like you aren’t yourself sometimes.” His eyes widened, “You can see it too?” He asks ominously, “To be honest I don’t know what’s happening it’s like I have two people in my head fighting for control. I feel like I’m going crazy.” He admits burning his head in his hands. I frown moving to sit next to him, “Hey you aren’t crazy. It’s common for people with severe trauma to split personalities. As messed up as that sounds it’s the reality of our situation and not to mention you have all the past Attack Titans memories to deal with.” I lay a hand on his shoulder. He opens his fingers to look at me, “Thanks Armin.” he says sarcastically. I shake my head fondly, “Eren please I’m serious. No one is expecting you to just be perfectly sane and mentally stable. None of us are but you aren’t alone. You have me. I understand for the most part Bertholdt is quite the talker.” I laugh taping my temple with my index finger. Eren lifts his head, “Do I have you? I mean you’ve been ignoring me for weeks.” My smile drops and my hand falls into my lap, “It’s complicated.” I say looking away. Eren lets go of his face and crosses his arms. “That doesn’t even make sense.” he rolls his eye. “I don’t want to ignore you but” I cut myself off, I don’t want to rat out Mikasa I’d rather Eren hate me than Mikasa. “But what Armin, what did I do?” Erens says, voice shaking threatening tears. “You did nothing I promise. I just...” I pause trying to think of the right words, “I just want you to be happy.” I whisper looking down, “How is ignoring me making me happy? You are my best friend seeing you makes me happy. Talking to you makes me happy.” My heart pounds in my chest so loudly that I know Eren can hear it.

He’s right, I can’t just ignore him, he has done nothing wrong. I need to get over this stupid childish crush and ignore my feelings, that way I can be around him and not upset Mikasa. “You’re right I’m sorry. I was just trying to figure some stuff out but I’ve made up my mind. I won’t do this again.” I say holding up my pinky he hooks it with his and smiles, “Promise?” I smile back tightening my pinky around his, “Have I ever lied to you?”


End file.
